Listen to Your Mother

No, this isn't a post where I'll be imparting wisdom for Sea Monkey one day.  It's an honest to God admission that I need to listen to my mother more often.  Sure, I'll ask her for advice, but more often than not I still do whatever I want and I don't actually take her advice.  I need to learn from past mistakes .... and LISTEN TO MY MOTHER.

A few days ago, we were talking about swelling during pregnancy.  My very wise mother suggested I take off my wedding rings now before I had a problem getting them off.  "Oh no, I'm fine" I insisted.  Yeah right.  I should have listened to her.  The past few days I noticed my wedding rings getting a little tighter.  I tried a few times to pull them off and couldn't.  Each day I thought that the swelling might go away on it's own and I'd be able to slide the rings off no problem.  Last night I hit the turning point where I realized there was no hope of them coming off on their own, or the swelling going down.  I was up half the night because of the pain in my finger - one of my rings was actually cutting off the circulation in my finger. 

This morning, I tried to get the rings off.  I ran my hand under cold water for a few minutes, lathered my finger with a ton of soap and pulled.  HARD.  I got nowhere.  I decided I'd try to TWIST the ring off.  I made a little progress but no way in hell was that ring going over the knuckle.  So of course when soapy water didn't cut it, I resorted to google for advice.  Because of course, google always has the right answer - or it tells you you're going to die.  Fortunately, for me, Google said I could try Windex.  I was desperate.  I quickly looked under the sink in the bathroom for Windex.  I found "glass cleaner" (because I'm too cheap to buy the real stuff).  Hopefully Windex doesn't have some super special ingredient in it and glass cleaner would be a good alternative.  So I'm sitting on the side of the tub, spraying my finger with windex-substitute, praying it's going to work.  FAIL.  Stupid Google. 

At this point, I'm going to be late for work.  Good thing I work at a hospital - the only other thing I could think of was going to the emergency department and asking them to cut the ring off my finger.  In a last, desperate attempt, I fill a ziplock bag with ice and ice my hand / finger the whole way to work hoping it will reduce the swelling and I won't need to take a trip to the ER.  Another FAIL. 
As I walk into the office, I run into a co-worker - Sue.  I ask her if I go to the Emergency Room, will they be able to cut my wedding ring off.  She immediately tells me don't go there - she's on her way to a meeting with some people from the Operating Room and they should be able to help me.  Hang tight and she will be back in about an hour.  Ok, cool - someone's going to help me.

When Sue got back from her meeting, she had with her Dr. Josephs who promised he'd be able to get my rings off ... but it was going to hurt.  A lot.  Wonderful.  Thinking I have a high tolerance for pain, and I'm in a professional setting in front of all my co-workers at this point, I think I"ll be just fine.  Dr. Josephs proceeds to take out a silk string - it kind of looks like dental floss.  He then starts to wrap it around my finger - TIGHTLY.  I was in no mood to take pictures at this point, but basically what he was trying to do was force the fluid in my finger down towards the tip of my finger.  As he wraps the string around and around, he's able to compress my finger and slowly start sliding the ring off.  The pain wasn't too bad until he got to the knuckle.  Imagine wrapping a string around your knuckle as tight as possible, and then slide a ring over it.  I wanted to punch Dr. Josephs in the face - and in my pain and suffering, I actually blurted this out.  Of course, I've established a small audience at this point - about 5 of my co-workers are hovering around watching the action.  A few times Dr. Josephs offers to give me a break ... and I said yes, but I noticed he kept going.  You damn liar.  Finally, after what felt like an eternity, I could tell we had passed the knuckle - which was the worst part.  I wasn't really watching what was going on.  I was trying to breathe and not punch this poor man - who is doing me a favor - in the face.  Meanwhile, my co-workers are trying to get me to laugh - making jokes about the pain of childbirth compared to the pain of a string being wrapped around my finger.  I know they were only trying to help, and I may have laughed a few times but I honestly can't remember.   

Here are the "tools" Dr. Josephs used to help me ....

And the "after" photo of my finger ....

It was almost an immediate release when I could feel him sliding it off the rest of my finger.  And as soon as he was done, I wanted to hug him.  The tears that were welling in my eyes started to dry out and I felt so much better.   

It's now several hours later and my finger is still swollen and hurts quite a bit.  I'll be retiring my rings to the jewelry box until Sea Monkey arrives, and I might even need to get the rings resized at some point.  Now, if I had only listened to my mother ....  

(yes Mom, you can gloat now)